The Party's Over

Yes, the party's over and we are in Hawaii!  It is a sad last day on Maui, though and we are heading to the airport tonight for our all night return flight home.

Its been a good trip with lots of talking, listening and learning.  Lots of advice, insight and exposed feelings.  For me, its been a week packed with love and the give and take that comes with it.

I don't think anyone will ever realize what it is like to be given a new life with a new person who is just so thoughtful and giving toward me.  It just wasn't supposed to happen to me and I cannot believe I am so lucky.  To go from feeling like I would never love again, never BE loved again to being hopelessly IN love with this person is still mind boggling.

So I look at my husband as we drive by car to all the activities we had planned, and I revel in the feeling of satisfaction and gratitude that I am with him.

We were given a gift by my family of a snorkeling trip to the Molokai crater which also included a trip to 'Turtle Town' which was another snorkeling trip to see more beautiful sea life including sea turtles.  I was happy that I was able to see such things in a way I had never seen them before.

We went to a dinner magic theatre named Warren and Annabelle's.  I have not laughed so much in years.  The food was fantastic and the people we ate with were fun and nice.

-------------------------------

Well...  that was that.  The last entry of  ThisSongIsOver.  Its abrupt end is coming about because I wish to continue my thoughts in a new direction.  Even though its still 'MY life after HIS death', my life is much more than that.  So I now launch the new blog by the name of Strength In Letters. I hope you will continue to follow it with interest.

House of Cards

Where the heck have I been you may ask.  Well, living my new life is kinda time consuming and is a full time job I reply.  Sometimes, as much as I want it to be a part of my life, this blog takes a back seat to reality.


I am a competitive person and I do not like to lose.  Games, even the kind that are 'just for fun' are meant to be won(IMO) and I want to be that winner.  Every time.  Seriously.
Often, JZ and I go over to a neighbors' house and play Left Right Center or some other card game. The evening includes much wine and other imbibing of food and spirits.  JZ doesn't like wine, so he drinks hard lemonade or hard root beer.  mmmmm  Root Beer.  Tis indeed good stuff!
As a trainee to the card game of golf, JZ was my coach.  We practiced at home one evening and I found out just how much of a sore loser I can be.  No wonder my kids are like they are- because they are like me!  Win or go home is my feeling when it comes to games.

With a group of people, I am less apt to take it so hard when I am not number one.  This is easier on my psyche and JZ probably likes that too.  He has admitted that he gets frustrated with me at times.   He is up for game nights with our neighbors at the drop of a hat.  He calls them his 'harem' and I see him relishing the hugging they all give him at the end of the evening when the party breaks up.  Ahhh life is good.

I am more in love with my husband as time goes by.  He is onto my way of lovingly sarcastic jabs and he can fire back with puns and sarcastic humor on his own now.  I love his sense of humor!

We have traveled over to California to meet friends and spread Gary's ashes in the Pacific.  It was not a particularly solemn event.  We got up but did not get to the beach until full daylight and the surfing community was out in full force already.  I chose when and where to empty the bag of cremains into the ocean and I took pictures which I forwarded onto our sons.  It was weird to return home afterwards to a house that has no tangible evidence of Gary's presence anymore.  I miss that, yet I am at peace with Gary's physical absence.
Just tonight I ran across the photo video which Gary's brother put together for Gary's memorial services.  I played it and JZ and I watched it.  It was the first time he had seen it and the first time in 18 months that I had seen it.  Afterwards, we stood and hugged without saying a word to each other.  Nothing had to be said.  This is a good thing.

The reception preparations continue to drag on and it is constantly on my mind.  JZ admonishes me for making this into more than he thinks it should be and more than I thought it would become.  It is fun though and I would do the same thing if it had been held on the same day as my wedding, so what the heck.  Still, I am so happy that people I hold dear are making the trip to see us and share our happiness.  This makes it all worthwhile. This is why we do these things anyway, right?

The reward is the finality of our marriage and the realization that we really are a permanent couple.  Sealed with a honeymoon to Hawaii 2 days after our reception, I look forward to my future.