Loose Beginnings and Loose Ends

I think about this blog all the time.  There is still so much I want to get out and put into writing about my thoughts and activities.  I must be so much less candid now though because what I do and say and think as a wife is deeply personal.  In some ways, my dear husband is an outlet to what I used to pour out into this blog.  We spend a lot of time talking.  Well, let me rephrase that, I spend a lot of time talking and he listens a LOT.  What a kindness he shows in this way.  There are so many questions I face him with. Some are superfluous, some are actually burning questions about life and what his opinions are about life matters. I have had to learn patience and wait and listen for his answer and as I have said before, he is a contempletive guy who thinks before speaking so I wait and wait.  Sometimes there is no answer at all and I have learned that this means he is saying 'no'. Dear JZ hates to tell people 'no' so he puts it off or avoids it entirely.  Lucky lucky me to have such a person who talks and listens and is patient with me and with US. He treats our relationship as a living thing that needs to be given time and room to grow.

Life is a rush for me nowadays.  I feel rushed to get a lot accomplished in an effort to ultimately slow down.  I am seeking out a more placid lifestyle but it just ain't happening-yet.

One of the bummer annoyances is that I had to get a new engagement/wedding ring set.
While visiting my sister in Colorado, she noticed that there were tiny diamonds missing from the ring.  When we got home I studied it with my reading glasses on and sure enough, three tiny diamonds were gone.  I dreaded sending the ring back to the JC Penney warranty jeweler in Dallas, Texas for a minimum of three freakin' weeks.  Ridiculous!  I took the ring to a local jeweler whom I know and trust(the family is from Minnesota and the son-in-law is from Sioux Falls).  By then, I was missing FOUR diamonds and more were in peril of coming out.

Screw it. The bad design and poor workmanship were never going to be made perfect so I returned the ring and got my money back.  I found an estate diamond in the case at the local jeweler and we ordered the settings for the new wedding and engagement ring set.  The result is a one of a kind set that I love and it means more to me because Z was with me when I picked it all out. It came out much nicer for the money than the first one to boot!

JZ and I have developed a pattern of activities and generally go hiking together on Sundays.  We decided to take a challenging hike in our own Peoria city preserve just three miles from our house.  The trail was indeed an up and down challenge.  For once, I was following instead of in the lead of JZ on the way down to the end but I fell in slow motion when I started to get careless with my steps. Down I went on my hands and one knee.  The left hand had a nasty gash and some rocks embedded in it as did my left knee.  After three weeks, the hand is still healing with some delays due to my workouts which put pressure on it when I do yoga and pushups. I am going to buy gloves for my hands since we are pretty cemented in doing hikes together and sometimes with friends at least once a week.

The other demand on my time is the planning of our reception party which is just as detailed as planning a wedding.  I am so glad that we split these two events up the way we did! The more time one has to plan, the more expensive it seems to get.  I keep finding things to add for accessories and food ideas that were never a part of the original intent.

JZ's and my life became more complicated when he finally listed his home for sale and two buyers appeared after just one day.  Its been a lot of running back to the old house to get things that his kids want to keep and making counter offers to the people who want to buy the contents of the home.  A nice problem to have, you say.  Still, its a hassle I will be glad to be done with when that home is out of the picture.

JZ has made headway on getting his workshop moved into the new space in our garage.  He is meticulously planning and arranging his tools in the new alcove and on the walls of new pegboard he installed over the new electrical outlets he wired in. I am so gratified to see some of Gary's tools being used by my new husband in such a careful way.  JZ really is a treasure in the way that he appreciates valuable items. He now also has to painstakingly pick through boxes of pictures and 'stuff' to sort and pack away to haul up to his son and daughter in the van. That will probably not happen until we return from our October honeymoon though.

And then there is the monumental task of taking on a new identity of Mrs Z and changing from Marsha Hopper with all the garbage of faxing and mailing and attaching proof of marriage. That's mixed in with changes to passport waiting at DMV and Social Security for the meetings required to finally become an Arizona resident and a new name to go with it. Insurances change, bank accounts, wills, trusts- the list is still long of people to notify of my new status. Plus, its not cheap.  There is a cost to everything. Even Robbie has to change his residence to Maricopa County and to his new owner's name.

The reward for all this is realizing that every day forward I get to live a great life with a sweet man who loves me more now than when we were married a few weeks ago.  If anything, I feel I am more in love as time goes by.  I am 'getting' his humor and he is understanding of my jabs(all in jest) at him.  We spend our days doing what we must, while also doing what we want to do with our time.  We have FUN doing simple things like going out to second run movies, going on date nights, going out for breakfast and often just lying around. We exercise together three times a week and still attend the meetup trivia singles group where we met each other. Afterwards we go with several of the group members to Yogurtini- the best yogurt shop in the world!  Watching movies and recorded programs from Tivo is part of our routine.  We play games on our phones and entertain on game nights with neighbors and friends.  Its a great life, and a life I could never have imagined a year ago.

My next task to tie up a loose end is to finally get Gary's ashes to the place they belong: in the Pacific Ocean.  This will be my sad/sweet duty this coming week as we travel to the coast for a couple of days.  Its been a long time coming. While there I want to get together with old friends over there. I look forward to proudly showing off to them, my good friend and husband.

One of the most important things for me is that, no matter what we are doing or where we are, JZ and I take time to talk and listen to each other's dreams.  The places we want to go, the things we want to see.  It all takes time, and we need to grab all we can while the grabbing is good.

How to make a love last

Whenever I'm alone I muse.  JZ went over to his old house to gather more of his tools and equipment to move them and reassemble his woodworking shop here at our abode. While he was gone, I got out the floor sweeper and steam mop to get the built up scum off the floor.  I just can't stand to walk on crumbs or sticky messes.  With two dogs and a husband contributing to the scum, I should be at this task every single day, but I am trying to relax just a tad in what has been termed an obsession for cleanliness(mom simply called it everyday cleaning).

So, as I methodically push the Hoover Floormate and watch for crumbs to suck up, I think.

Today's Theatre of the Mind presents:  How to make love last.  Specifically the love I live in and with now.  I love Love!  And I love being in love even though I know this will not always be the case.  That's the gift of having lived in a long marriage and seeing the changes that occur naturally in a relationship.  Gary and I didn't have a fairy tale marriage, but it was pretty darn nice and for the most part very, very rewarding and satisfying.  I can use Gary and Marsha as a model, but only to make my new marriage even better because I can never make it the same, nor would I want to.  My first life was a base for me to build this one on.

Its a puzzle that many experts tackle: How do you make a loving marriage last?  Some would say it can't last and its just not supposed to.  Humans are not meant to be monogamous, right?  Don't say that to JZ.  He has a propensity for commitment.  Like me, he was tested in his first marriage and he knows he can make a marriage stand the test of time.  He's very patient with me and with the cycles of life. Thank goodness that I found such a sweet partner with this invaluable trait!

Whether you buy into the whole horoscope thing or not, I think some of the stuff about my 'Taurus-ness' is true.  I am loyal and trustworthy.  I have tenacity and I don't give up easily.  I won't be giving into the throw away mentality some have concerning marriage.  Being lucky enough to be married to someone IS worth hanging in there, IMO.
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I want to insert an item of import to me and JZ, since today, August 20th is his birthday. Its such a special birthday since it is the first time since he was in his twenties that he has had someone who celebrated his day of birth.  That makes it a big deal for me.  I want to show him how much he means to me and how his own special day is a great way to show him I love and appreciate him.  For those who don't know him, here is his horoscope and it is indeed a fitting one!!
If You Were Born Today, August 20

You are a hard worker, yet you also enjoy the comforts of home and family. Striking a balance between these two passions is important for your all-around happiness. You don't turn to others for advice or help very readily, simply because you find much satisfaction doing things on your own; yet you are also highly companionable. You enjoy conversation, friendly companionship, and a peaceful environment. You try to avoid discord as much as you can, and due to your graciousness and gentle manner, you usually succeed. You are excellent at strategy. You may cling to your lifestyle and don't make changes as readily as others. An overall feeling of stability is important to you. You are a very ardent, charming lover, and you may be drawn to partners who are emotional and a tad dramatic. 

Happy birthday to my dearest!! 

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So then, how to make the reason for the marriage(that's love, of course) last?
First off, you can't think of love as a fire or flame, because flames inevitably flame out.
The fuel that feeds the flame expends itself too fast and then sputters and dies.

Nope, I think love is kept alive if you think of it kind of as the glow plug on a diesel engine.  Always there, warm and ready to turn a sticky engine ignition with a chug and a roar.

Or maybe love needs to be thought of as a low watt night light.  Soft, and always there to keep you from stumbling into the door frame when you get up at night to go to the bathroom.

Hmmm more along that line of thought occurs to me as I steam up doggie footprints in front of the refrigerator.  I think that I need to treat our love as a string of low voltage lights illuminating the path at night.  It takes a low, slow and steady feed of energy to keep these comforting warm lights glowing, but with care, the string will keep the nights lit up for years with just the right amount of light to bring a sense of well being and peace to the darkness.

Is this MY backyard you ask?  Not hardly, but isn't it gorgeous?

Vive La Difference!

These days it feels like I am standing in the center of a merry go round as I watch the horses circle around me.  I can see the horses and the people and life beyond the whirling colors, but I must stand and wait for the music to stop so I can jump into and out of the spinning activity.

Don't get me wrong; Life is Good.
Its better than good in fact, its GREAT.  Just this morning as JZ and I lay in bed talking quietly as we slowly woke up, I said to him, "I am very rich." He understood exactly what I meant and agreed that we are both rich in what matters in life.

But this new life is still life and after what I've been through the last few months, I need to pause and take a breath.  Assess.
Find the 'me' that I can live with in addition to living my new life as a wife, partner and lover to a man again.

I love my husband, yet he is, after all, another human being with his own agenda, and that can run against the grain of my sometimes headstrong beliefs, hopes and irrational ideas-my absolutes.

We just returned from a great week away from the desert, visiting in Nebraska, South Dakota and Colorado.  We've logged many miles in cars and in airports and planes as we tried to hit all the high points and meet as many family and friends as humanly possible in 6 days.

I love my new in laws, that's for sure!  The Z family reunion we attended is a bi-annual event that takes in the hundreds of descendants from Germany to the south central Nebraska towns my husband and family grew up in.  These people are extremely well versed in their ancestors' names, vocations and the buildings and homesteads they lived in. I was and am very impressed.

My new father-in-law is quite proud of his heritage and, after meeting me, sat down next to me with the tome of dates, names and member pictures of the family name he carries after 150 years in this country.  My mother-in-law and father-in-law are nice to the max and I felt very welcomed. My new brothers-in-law(there are four of them) and their wives talked with me as if they had known me for a long time.  Acceptance is a warm fuzzy feeling and I am grateful to be feeling it.

My own siblings all met my new Mister and although I know it was sometimes tiring for Mr. Zed to repeat the same background checks and stories to each of his new in-laws, everyone got along in a positive and friendly manner.  I have heard nothing but praise for choosing such a nice man to share my life with.

Now begin the next steps.  We are back home and this is real life.  A new life where, as I adjust to him, he is also adjusting to me.  I know that we will forever be adjusting our sets right at the time of life when most people have settled into their little routine without giving much thought to the person they have shared it with for 40 to 50 years.

For me and JZ, its as if we are thrown back into our 20's as we learn how to maneuver around each other.  Can we accomplish this without causing the same irritations we experienced with our former spouses? That's the goal anyway- and its a lofty goal, too.

I am not perfect.  My dear husband is not perfect.  Our love and our life is not perfect.

But just think how perfectly boring it would be if they were!

JZ on Devils Bridge near Sedona, AZ

The Wait Is Over

Today I am filled with gratitude and ease.  I have the peace of mind of knowing that my forever is here.  I am so pleased and proud of my new husband.  Thankful doesn't begin to describe how I feel about what he has brought to my life- make that OUR LIFE.

I married a beautiful soul on July 22 in front of a judge and 4 friends.  It was the perfect fit for us to do it this way. No huge cost or arrangements that could fall into catastrophe.  I found a nice dress off the sale rack, we shopped for JZ's shirt and tie and found the perfect colors.  I made my own bridal bouquet and his boutonniere from Austria Maria flowers in the perfect color plucked from a bucket at Wal-Mart. Simple. Perfect.

JZ and I have spent so much time together in the last three months,  I feel I know him better than when I took the leap of faith and married Gary at age 18.  I know JZ better and JZ also knows me. Because at our ages, there is no facade we need to pierce, no secrets worth keeping from each other.  I have no fear of him knowing the deepest feelings I have and I  feel I can tell him everything and anything.  He is open and answers all my questions.  I love this man in more ways than I thought possible. And he keeps surprising me with more ways to love him.

We just plain fit.  Physically, its wonderful. Even our childhood memories meld well because our geographical references are close.  I don't find anything 'foreign' about his philosophies or the way he was brought up.  JZ is solid, mature, oh so practical and proud of his accomplishments including where he came from and who he is.  He's purposefully articulate, never vulgar, never condescending or belittling to me or anyone.

Its kind of cliche, but I really do feel like I've known him for a lonnnngggg time.  I've been waiting for him for longer than I knew.  But he's here and we found each other and we chose each other.  

He likes mayonnaise, old school country music, plays and musicals, the color blue(it matches his eyes),game shows, ice cream, and getting up early in the morning.  He drinks regular coffee, black; two- only two mugs a day. He doesn't like sushi, olives or most wine and beer. He loves Hawaii. He is not presumptuous in any way.  He listens and thinks before he speaks. He smiles a lot. I can even see him smiling in the dark sometimes. He is what the word sweet embodies. He is messy and acknowledges this, but this means he is also more relaxed than I am about perfection in housekeeping.  He requires me to be patient.  This is the best part of all, because when he does speak, he never lies, exaggerates or inflates his own ego. He reads historical novels.  He has so much knowledge of movies that I am lost when he refers to most of them.  Gary and I never saw a fraction of the movies he has seen in his lifetime.  But now  I can catch up, because we have forever. Together.

No one but a widower or widow can understand what connection we who lose our partners feel when we happen across that one other person searching for a new life partner.  It is just special.

Don't think we don't feel and see the doubt in others' eyes when they find out we married so soon after meeting.  We explain that the countless hours we have been together as retirees are different than the small segments of time that make up the traditional courtship.  Yes, JZ was expecting to spend time with some toads before he found his princess.  I too thought, after the toads I had picked up and thrown back into the weeds, that I'd be looking for another two years myself.  What we have just doesn't happen- and yet it did!

JZ is adamant about remaining anonymous and I respect his choice to have no pictures posted on facebook or anywhere else on the internet.  For that same reason, his name will be just his initials and my new last name will not be used when I can help it.

We're beginning our new life in what was my house and he is readying his former home for sale.  So many details remain to be ironed out financially for our road map to be realized, but we are on the way to making travel and fun a priority.  It takes an incredible amount of effort on both our parts to figure out each others' likes and dislikes, schedules and quirks.  Breaking down the duties of our marriage partnership is tough in a lot of ways; possibly more for me than him since I was alone longer and developed a way of going through my days doing what I wanted in the way I wanted.

JZ and I plan to stay in this area for the time being.  He is wiring the garage right now so he can move his woodworking tools and work space over to this garage.  He is anxious to resume his woodworking hobby in between indulging his biking and our hikes together. We have good neighbors and friends here and I am very comfortable in my 'hood.

Life is good.  Love is better.  The best is yet to come.

Sabbatical

I have been absent from blogging here by design.  I have taken a sabbatical from writing in favor of pursuing more knowledge and understanding about my relationship with DSJ and more importantly, with MYSELF.

I read a lot of happenstance psychology articles like Marc and Angel Hack Life and articles from Psychology Today. Even Instagram and blog entries from JillFit.com zero in on my situation nowadays. They seem to just appear in my inbox and although I don't always click to open them, the ones I do open are often valuable and usable insight to me. Inspiration is everywhere, from the teabags on my Yogi tea, and the random horoscopes I read.  Yes, I read everything.  Why put blinders on and limit oneself to only certain genres when wisdom and inspiration is around us in so many forms?

When DSJ returned from bike touring in Colorado last month, he and I had 10 happy and FUN days together learning more about each other before he took off again to Hawaii with his immediate family and some siblings of his wife's family to spend a week.  DSJ and his wife had gone many times to Maui before and had a special love for that island.  He knew she would want to be scattered there.  So one year after her death, on a chartered boat, the emotional day of scattering DSJ's first love's ashes came to pass.

I had said that I would 'go dark' for him that week so that he would not receive distracting texts from me that had no bearing on why he and her family were there at this time.
Instead, I sent emails daily and did not expect him to actually open them, but he did.
My emails were functional for me as I tend to work through things when I write, but I know that DSJ had to switch back and forth from paradise to my reality by reading them.  I regret outlining my own fears, doubts and hopes to him at this time.  He could not/did not always respond.  I should have given him the rope he needed to really do some thinking.  I should not have given into my demons. The gaps not hearing from him were tough.  The entire eight days of separation has been tough.

So, to suck it up and deal with it a little better, I have been immersed in a book titled, "Calling in THE ONE" by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It is about attracting love into ones life. It is actually a workbook which gives exercises each day on getting to the bottom of who we are, our personal history of why we think and act the way we do toward the opposite sex and that special someone. One thing I see in this is that it is more than just advice and constructive thought about romantic love, it is about the people we interact with in daily life;  our family, our friends and our neighbors.  Its about how we treat and think about ourselves and translate those thoughts into proactive energy to live happily and effectively with most everyone.

Perhaps 'calling in THE ONE'  may have already happened for me.  I certainly hope and think it has, BUT more importantly, I realize from reading this book that the one I really need to 'call in' is ME.  I'm about 1/3 into the book and there is not one thing yet about dating, meeting or anything.  Its all about me, me me. That's the way its supposed to be because we ourselves, hold back from living the way we were meant to live and being with the right person.  Every page of this book has inspirational sayings.  Today I read an appropriate one by Ken Keyes Jr.  : "A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world.  Everyone you meet is your mirror."

There's so much that I am on the edge of learning about myself because of failure and wounds.  The wounding of Gary dying, the wound of a failed relationship and the failure of a happy relationship with a family member.  Through this book, it is revealed to me that some of these wounds and failures are because trust was betrayed.  Betrayal of trust is one of the biggest and most common of failures we face in life.  Whether that betrayal come FROM us or happens TO us, the subsequent pain is sometimes never overcome.  There are ways to face this pain or the wound though, so that even if the other person affected cannot or will not get past it, I have the power to do that for myself.
 
Yes, I have tasks I want to complete to help me in my future life. It feels like my future begins Wednesday evening when DSJ steps off the plane and I meet him at the airport.  We each are just a little(maybe a LOT(?)) different people than we were last week at this time. It goes without saying that I am excited and happy beyond words. But the anticipation is tempered now with a more calm and grounded feeling of understanding that this loving relationship can be lasting and that it is something we can carefully make happen for ourselves rather than just fall into like quicksand.

I am again reminded of the little picture that my mom embroidered thirty years ago for Forrest's bedroom that read, "Please Be Patient, God isn't finished with me yet..."  The thing is, God is never finished with us, and we should never be finished or content with ourselves, either.  That's why its called living.

My Trifecta Troika

I really enjoy reading newspapers.  I decided to indulge in the luxury of receiving the paper edition of the Arizona Republic 3 days a week. Especially delicious is the Sunday edition which can take hours to peruse.  I can always find things that I think I want to keep to refer to later.  The entertainment section with concerts, plays, outdoor adventures and travel ideas is relevant to me now that I have the promise of someone special to share the possibilities of these events.
Another reason to like reading the traditional hard copy edition is that I can indulge in the art of browsing, allowing my eyes to land on articles and ads that I glance at and decide in a nano second whether to read further or skip on to something else.
I was reading the Saturday paper when my eyes saw a new word that I had never seen used before. Kudos to the writer for digging this one up. "Troika", is the word.  It was being used to describe foods.  As you can probably surmise, the base of the word infers , 'three'.  Here is the Merriam-Webster definition:

1:a Russian vehicle drawn by three horses abreast; also :  a team for such a vehicle

2:a group of three; especially :  an administrative or ruling body of three 

I was reminded of my late night last night when I thought of ways to use this word.  My night was pretty awful, actually.  It started out alright with me streaming music off Jango.  I was looking for just the right lyrics and a song which I could use to express how I had felt about my extraordinary weekend with DSJ so I could send him an email telling him how much he and our time together means to me.

Think of the most enveloping, warm fuzzy loving word you can imagine and that is how the entire weekend was!  It was truly one of the top three weekends I have lived in my entire life.  I existed in a candy jar of love and was treated to sweet lovely activities, both simple and exotic.  It was *our* weekend and we just flowed from one beautiful experience to the next effortlessly.  I don't care if you get the picture or not(TMI), because its burned in my memory. <<sigh>>.....three days of bliss spent with DSJ and his sweet little girl dog Chamois and of course Robbie.  It seems we are all meant to be together.  The dogs coexisted like old friends, as did the humans.

So I sent an email with my feelings and with the email, attached this song,

All was good.  I emailed the song and the message.  Then I started thinking about the conversation DSJ and I had had yesterday about the videos we used for our spouses' memorials.  Where the heck did I put Gary's, I wondered? I started digging in boxes and, as YouTube kept playing love song after love song, I became immersed in memories from pictures of Gary's and my life.

Then it happened.  I came upon a book that Gary kept as a journal to note his Parkinson's symptoms and health diary.  He kept it fairly regularly for 3 years. As I read Gary's handwriting, which I still love to look at, because it is just so 'him', I became very morose from what he wrote and what I read for the first time.  He kept track of his weight, blood pressure and what he experienced for symptoms from Parkinson's.  Medication changes were also noted along with the stress he felt at work; plus the ever present fatigue he felt.

What hit me especially hard was reading the entries during his bouts with what we would later recognize as pancreatitis, esophageal varices(internal bleeding) and pancreatic cancer.  Gary wrote down his diagnosis the day it happened and what he was thinking; how he told his employees and which doctors said what when. I never knew until last night what he was thinking and feeling.  He was in major pain, physically and emotionally.  How he chronicled it, I don't know.  I felt so low, because I never knew.  Of course I cried then and now I cry again to think of what he went through.  How I want to make it better in some way for dear Gary, even now!  I got out a towel and just cried into it like I haven't cried in months. I felt so alone, so empty and missing the lost love we shared.

When I finally shut the lid on the box of pictures, without having found the DVD of the memorial that I had started out looking for, it was 2am.  I crawled into my lonely bed and slept(if that's what you could call it) for three hours until my eyes opened as usual at 5am. I felt like I'd been on a two day bender, complete with headache.
  

Earlier today, after texting a request to DSJ to call me, he did.  No one else in the world understands my emotions like he can.  I don't mean to make him relive his own nightmare of his wife's death, since his is more recent, but it is so soothing to have someone who just listens and understands me.  I am incredibly grateful for the gift of having this man in my life!

DSJ offered to come over and sit with me, but I said no, because I know he has a lot to do around his house for maintenance etc. I blubbered my feelings over the phone, some of it was probably incoherent, but he got the gist and in his quiet way, offered what he can for assurances of support.  I don't mean to lean on him, because his wounds are fresher than mine, but he said yes, I should.  I want to be there for him now and in the future too.  There will be times, I assured him that he WILL fall down the rabbit hole into the dark of despair and I want to be there for him too.

Later, I texted my thanks to him for being him and for his unconditional love.  We have already decided that we are lovers, friends and partners, not necessarily in that order.  Sometimes we take on different roles as needed.

DSJ texted back to me this message:

"Listening is part of the job description for friends.  Lovers and partners have their own responsibilities.  Listening is for BFFs.  You have become my BFF."
He included a tiny icon of a couple holding hands.

This beautiful man is my Troika, my perfect "Three In One".

He is what I can count on when I need~

My Partner

My Lover

My Best Friend Forever

      ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Wait Not Want Not

Although
you may have noticed in my last posting, I did not use the word 'love' when referring to DSJ, he is very much that to me.

OH NO, you say!  Don't go there!! Not NOW- not after the relationship fiasco you recently survived!

Ummm, well ok then, I won't 'go there' because I am already HERE. 

And guess what: I have never been 'here' before.  DSJ is my person, so shiny and new and so polar opposite of anyone I've loved before.  No comparison.

Why dare even tread on the edge of that pool you ask, let alone take the plunge? Like we used to say in answer to our kids' constant queries for which we had no answers, I answer, "Because".  Because I can. Because I'm alive now and I may not be tomorrow.  Because he is alive and I'm alive and because we both have outlived our spouses for some reason. Because we are Here.

I posted on my fb page, a link to a  site for the tiny minimalist.  It refers to getting your head to the point where you can be content to live with what you have and not have to have it 'all'.  Along with that is the takeaway that we must remember:

I am living this concept, that there is no time like NOW.  Not because I want or need to have all my wants right now.  No, quite the opposite.  You need to sort out what is really important and work on just that as a need.  Do it NOW.  There may not be a tomorrow for you or for those you love or want to love.

I've been reading quite a lot about relationships for people.  As usual, there is a plethora of advisers for the romantics out here.  Don't do this or that too soon or too much or too too. But the advice all seems to be directed at those who are in their 20's or 30's.  What about the lonely hearts here in Boomerland?  Well, dig deeper and the advice is much different.  I like it too, because its a take charge kind of advice that we need to LIVE our lives and take the risk of loving.

I've been separated from DSJ this past week as he spent 6 days with his brother in Colorado biking on trails near Glenwood Springs.  This separation is/was tough on our fledgling relationship, but so invaluable for our future together.  DSJ is not a phone talker, but man, does he write some great love letters on email!  Not only are those letters going to be kept, but it seals the deal that he too, is a keeper. Be still my beating heart!! :o)

Like I stated to DSJ in one of my letters to him, I have never regretted saying, "I love you" to anyone and I have only regretted NOT saying it when I wanted to but held back.  I think he and I are on the same page now because he understands what it is like to see someone he loved go from life to death in an instant.  Its gonna happen to all of us.  Why not loosen the stops and live and LOVE to the fullest while we are still here?

So I am.  And I will continue to do so.  I do not think I will regret my decision to take DSJ along with me on my wild ride.  Love waits for no one, you know.