Nature Does Not Hurry

                       

"Nature does not hurry,  yet everything is accomplished."

-Lao Tzu

 

 Creak!!  Creak!!  My fingers are not used to typing anymore.  Its been so long since I've blogged that I feel like I should get out an English textbook to read how to construct sentences again!

A lot has happened in the past few months, but in some ways not much has happened if you take the long view of things.

Back in May, J and I took a nearly three week road trip up to see family in 5 states and attend his 50th high school reunion in 'Tinytown', NE. We made 8 stop 'n stays along our route.  J got to meet my son, DIL and the grandkids in MO.  We spent time with all but one of his brothers and got to see all my siblings and a new grand niece.  It was such a cool treat to be away from summer heat in May and a little of June.

When we got back home to the waiting dogs, we did an overnight down in Tucson to see a James Taylor concert on Father's Day.  Awesome! 

Our next little trip was right before the 4th when we escaped the heat again to Pinetop. If there is heaven in AZ in June, it is in Pinetop.  It rained for most of 3 days.  We loved it. Ya can't get enough of those dreary cloudy days and 60 degree temps.

Back in the summer heat drudgery here now, but looking forward to our next getaway north of Payson, AZ and this time the dogs will get to come enjoy cooler days with us.

The next Big Trip is in August when J and I will spend five days in Maui then fly over to Kaui for seven more. The second part of the trip will be in a condo that we will share with my mom.  She is looking forward to her fist visit back to Hawaii in 40+ years and her first to Kaui.  This is my and J's first extended visit there too.  Other than a stop on a cruise ship, neither of us have been there. 

So J has this yearly bike trip tradition with his brother from NE.  This year they are going to drive to central Iowa and ride some trails there for a week or so.  It will be just those two on their trip.  I will stay behind with the dogs, but I may cut loose and go somewhere myself that week before flying up to get J and swing down to see the grandkids then heading up to see my mom for a few days and attend a wedding.

Am I writing a Christmas Letter here or what?  Its not all hindsight, but darn close.

We need to get up to northern CA to visit J's kids and granddaughter in October.  Maybe a train trip this time(?)  I dread the 14 hour drive one way.  UGH. We will again be going to California in November for a stay in Avila Bay on the Central Coast.  I'm looking forward to that trip already!! I went there a year after Gary died and met up with my mom who stayed with me.  It was a good trip with a visit to Hearst Castle. I hope the weather is as nice this November as it was 3 years ago.

Our 2017 plans are coming together with trips to Utah and Mexico so far.  A cruise to New Zealand is in the works, but when to go??

So why am I writing, you ask.  Last week I put up a share on facebook that had really hit me.  It was a piece written by Liam Neeson about his wife who passed away suddenly.  It is a fairly short piece and what sticks out to me is this part:
 
We have to stop and be thankful for our spouses. Because, life is very short. Spend time with your spouses. Treat them well. Because, one day, when you look up from your phone, they won't be there anymore. What I truly learned most of all is, live and love everyday like it's your last. Because, one day, it will be. Take chances and go live life. Tell the ones you love, that you love them everyday. Don't take any moment for granted. Life is worth living.”

Neeson kept his feelings private for 5 years.  Now, in 2016 he wrote this. It is relevent to me because when I read it, I had just passed my original wedding anniversary with Gary on July 12th.  I posted the piece on my facebook page and several people who worked with or knew him wrote beneath it.  Gary is still very much part of my life as he was in those persons' lives. I have not cried in a few months about losing him, even though there is an empty feeling when I do think of him, which is every single day.  I still miss him.  I miss laughing the way he made me laugh and I miss his creativity of thought and his gift of being able to make something beautiful from merely an idea. God, he was skilled. I will forever admire the many things he could do that no one else could or will ever be able to do. He was particularly special, IMO.

So, one anniversary last week and my new anniversary is this week.  We will be going to a very expensive restaurant that I would never go to otherwise. J and I want this day to be part of our memories, yes, but also to mark a really fantastic first year together.  How lucky can one person get to have TWO talented, caring, attentive men marry me in one single lifetime?!  Its dang cool, is all I can say and its amazing that it is ME that gets to experience this.

All the tiny needling 'stuff' that goes in and out of my head is so superfluous when I think of the most important things in my life: people.  Husbands.  These men are BOTH the loves of my life.
  
I look back and wonder at how worried I was about all the stuff I've gone through mentally and physically.  And here I am now, living a really blessed life that I would never have thought possible. 

And yes Mr. Neeson, I DO tell my dear husband that I love him.  Multiple times.  Every day.
 
So this brings me to the quote above that I (of course) pulled from my teabag today, "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished."  Ain't that the truth!  We can worry ourselves sick or go crazy trying to bend the course of nature to our idea of what's right.  But why?  It all turns out in the end-- even more amazing is it usually turns out to be what's right for us, too!



 

Project Manager

Welp, its been a long, long time since I typed some of my thoughts down here.  Don't know why today is the day or why last month or last week was not the time, but here I am.

So much has changed yet there is somewhat of a pattern to my days.  There are days that drift slowly and others which roll toward evening at warp speed.  Weeks pass quickly because there is always something to get done and someplace to make plans to get to.

In January, the Mr. 'n I went to Florida to spend four days before embarking on a nine day eastern Caribbean cruise.  We spent one day in St Pete then it was on to Orlando to go to Epcot and another full day in Disney Hollywood Studios.  I gotta say I had a blast with hubby.  He is much more like a kid with this stuff than Gary was.  His enthusiasm is catchy, whether its for rides or zoos or movies.  Its like a living a second teenagerhood; one very unlike my real teen dating years.  This one is tons 'o fun.  And the idea of making love sans guilt or regret with someone you deeply love is the piece de resistance-- ooh la la! ;)

I've always been kind of a stick in the mud about spending money on what I deem frivolous. These are things like expensive restaurants, clothes, jewelry, and entertainment such as movies and amusement parks.  Just like with groceries, if ya don't have a coupon or its not on sale or on clearance, then you just don't buy it.  Its been that way so long that this is a hard thing to break from. But I am working on this.  Experiences ARE worth spending money on.  Especially new experiences or experiences you may never get the chance to do again.  Because hubster is nine years older than me, and especially since I have seen death come to someone dear who died too young, I want to grab at every gold ring that comes my way.  I hear the clock ticking...

So yeah, four days in a great resort condo where Mr. won a nice thick white cotton robe sporting the Diamond Resorts International logo, and where we enjoyed a dinner, free drinks and played casino games, we departed Orlando back to Tampa where we began our cruise.  First stop, Key West.  I was so looking forward to getting back to one of my favorite spots that Gary and I have ever gone.  This time, the weather was about as bad as it could be and we had our visit cut short by hours due to pouring rain and wind.  We schlepped about two miles on foot in the rain to the southernmost point marker, snapped a picture of our drowned rat selves and raced back up to a bar so we could drink authentic Mojitos.  We took two pieces of key lime pie to go back onto the ship to eat in comfort.

Our next stop was supposed to be a privately owned beach on Haiti, but our stop was cancelled due to political unrest and protests which spilled out into the water when the previous ship stopped there the day before.  Booo Hisss(for us).  So, another day at sea.  One of the reasons we chose this particular cruise was for the number of days at sea.  I love cruising and so does my Mr.  We ended up with some super nice dinner partners and spent many hours with one couple our ages, playing cards, trivia and of course eating.
The next stop was San Juan, Puerto Rico, which was really nice; much nicer and cleaner than I was expecting.  We did our own walking tour, bought an umbrella for the light morning rain and ate lunch at a restaurant near a large art school.  I'd go back there in a sec given the chance. As I sit here typing, I look at the watercolor print I bought there.  This is what I do now when I visit places, I buy art prints of the city or town so I can decorate the house with visual memories of where we've been.

Our last port was the island of St. Maartin for one day. We WILL be revisiting there at length some day.  Our day was spent  aboard a Windjammer sailboat  snorkeling a short while in rather cloudy water due to recent storms. Then it was out on the water with the sail up.  Our two deckhand guides were very entertaining and showed us around the bay while name dropping all the international sports and movie stars who have homes and boats on the island.  We even got an up close view of the America's Cup racing ship, Stars and Stripes which was out racing a Canadian sailboat that day. Beautiful.

The day we got on our flight to return home, Mr's throat hurt. We had just gotten over colds before our trip.  Not another one!! Anything is possible when one is exposed to that many people and places.  After a week, I succumbed to The Cold myself.  We had to cancel dinner dates with friends.  My cold which is now entering its fourth week, is still winding down.  The most remarkable thing about this horrid cold is the headaches I get.  Never have I had such awful headaches for days on end.

On February 12th, despite the cold, this couple went to a Trace Adkins concert.  This was a gift to my country music fan man.  I didn't know a single song, since I am NOT a country fan, but it was very enjoyable and I'm glad I went. The next day, still sick, still coughing and trying to stay ahead of the throbbing headache and sore throat, we went to the Renaissance Festival near Gold Canyon, AZ, about hour's drive away.  The Pleasure Feast and the entire day at the faire was much better than I expected, again, because my sweetie makes this stuff more fun with his 'lets do it' attitude.  I would never have sat through any of the entertainment with Gary, he thought it was all absurdly ridiculous and a waste of money, so therefore I did too.  Not anymore.  There is so much out there to enjoy if you just give it a chance.

Our days now are spent at home with projects to be completed before the ugly heat of summer sends us back on the road to escape to cooler places.  My handyman is currently rebuilding a bench for our front porch.  We are also going to be getting some new cabinets in the kitchen to increase storage space.  New flooring may happen this spring too, but we'll have to see when the cabinets get installed. Mr. is willing to build a new bedroom set for our master bedroom but I want him first to wire in some new ceiling fans and make a bench for our dining room table.  He recently made us a 2-person L shaped desk using pipes and IKEA desk tops, one of which we scored from the As Is room at a good price(via me, hubster 2 is learning from hubster 1 about the As Is room).  New pipe shelving is in the offing for over our new desk in the office. I love the industrial look and my woodworking man will do anything I ask as long as he understands what I want it to look like.

Amongst the plans and projects we manage to spend some time visiting with friends, watching TV, playing cards, hiking, walking, lying in bed(we ARE still newlyweds) and going out to eat.  Last night we went to Maggiano's Little Italy and brought home an insane amount of leftovers and dishes of our Dinner For Two. We sat on the outside patio on the warm Friday evening weather, sipping our drinks and enjoying our appetizers, dinner and desserts. As I looked in my sweet husband's face I could see in his eyes the thought,
"Life is Good."

And my own thoughts?


             ✓Great Food
                       ✓Great Weather
                                ✓Great Company with the best man on earth
                                         ✓Great Life

Three Things

I read and listen to some insights from people who have what I think are worthwhile ideas. 

A common thread that I read from blogs and emails from these people is the act of gratefulness in ones own life.  The stem cell of kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity toward oneself and toward others starts with gratefulness.  Gratefulness begets a feeling of wellbeing and is the seed that leads to a happier existence.

Isn't a happy existence kind of what we all strive for from the time that we enter adulthood?

Happiness or fulfillment is what drives us to choose a mate, our occupations, and our place to live in the world. 

I have to admit I am quite happy.  But this Happy Thing is a practice that I need to keep working at.

One way is by Three Things.

Three Things is a daily exercise that we could all be doing, not as a drudgery or obligation, but as a Joie de vivre for ourselves and ultimately for others.

What is Three Things?  Its simply thinking of and writing down three things that you are thankful for in your life.  Every day, preferably in the morning you think of the best of your days, your life, your people etc.  Every day you write these three things down because you cannot reuse them.  Each day is a new opportunity to stretch and think of the three best whatevers that you are most grateful to have or be a part of. 

I am a newbie at this but it is becoming a habit.  It really does help banish negativity and helps give a new perspective of your lucky little self.
I am told that this simple act radiates out toward others in a positive way.  I can't attest to this yet, but I am hopeful. Showing kindness is a good thing. Being positive is a good thing.   But not just in the old platitude of 'think positive'.  Thankfulness helps you see the good parts of yourself and others.  You do really start to see just how lucky you are to be the person you are and to have the people and things you have.

Try Three Things every morning for awhile.  What have you got to lose?  One bad attitude?

YOLTwice

"You only live once."

Or do we?

Isn't life funny?
We wake up each morning and we think we have it all figured out.
Like who we will spend our lives with, how we will spend our time, how we will live and act; all according to plan, right?

Then we are thrown a curve and we enter a new life. One in which the playbook that worked so well before doesn't work anymore.
So... Maybe we only live life twice.

This is certainly the second go round in my existence.

That was brought home to me this weekend when hubster was 'stricken' with the same cold that I succomed to last week.  Except I had the woman's version of a cold.  Treat the headache, sore throat, and suck on Cold Eze to make the symptoms last for as short a time as possible.  Get up, get dressed, get out and pretend you are not sick.  Yep, that's the way we females do it.

For his part, hubby was sympathetic for my ailments but nothing else changed.

Flash forward one week to the day.  "Ohhhhhh.  >ahem< I have a sore throat".  It snowballs from there to a full blown cold a la my cold, but this time its the MAN version.
The man version of this cold means all outings stop.  No unnecessary movement (aka work) is performed.  Shoes are no longer worn as only slippers are needed. I am the proud mama of a retired man-baby.

Yes, my Deere did warn me how he would act when the stray illness came around and I did play into it all willingly.  My new baby soaked up the attention I gave him.  I administered the cold remedies, kept lozenges, kleenex, ice water within easy reach should he need them. I gave him snacks, tea, hot chocolate and I put up with his grizzled old man look and the awful sounds of him blowing green snot into lotion tissues.  I made homemade chicken soup and fed him breakfast in bed. Day two of The Cold had my baby on the couch under a blanket with his head on a bed pillow watching his extensive collection of James Bond movies. This guy came with a plethora of movies of all kinds- one of the nice bonuses.  He had told me that when he gets sick or colds he watches James Bond even though he has seen each of the movies many times.  This day he chose You Only Live Twice.  I had not seen it in its entirety so it was entertaining for me and a sleeping pill for him.  Neither of us left the house.

Day three of The Cold began with breakfast in bed for the cold victim, followed by a movie called Unbroken(really good, btw), a new round of cold medications and then a day of football watching while covered with the wool throw. My baby stirred only to use the bathroom.

I had to get away for a walk and I took Robbie outside in the pleasant 70 degree day.  We both had cabin fever.  While out walking I reflected on the differences between this life I live now compared to the old life I had just a year ago.

There are advantages and there are disadvantages in Life I and Life II.  There are still sooo many times when I notice I compare this man to the man of my old life. Just for example, Gary would not have been as likely to lie around if he were sick.  And I would never have waited on him for just a cold as I do my new husband.  Every day I come to grips with the fact that I will never again have a person like I did and I also think I'll always be jolted by that fact.

I have to reinvent my life every morning now.  I have to make choices on how I want to live and how I want to act.  Its hard to think like a married person again.  I want some of the single woman lifestyle I used to enjoy.  Like having to make food that pleased only me and helped me lose 84lbs.  Now with another person and a totally different metabolism to think about, it is a challenge I haven't figured out how to conquer yet.

There is also joy and fun and anticipation in me when I think of my future -our future- though.  That's what keeps me going and looking forward to a good year of a new and improved life to live. I know I am lucky and I am reminded of this all the time.

Now if you will excuse me, I have someone I care very much about to get to bed.

Inspiration

Why 'Strength In Letters'?

Because I have math anxiety for one, although I do love planning and making my budget, which requires simple math skills.
Mostly I chose this title because letters make up words and words make up pictures and I am a picture kind of person. So, letters GOOD, numbers baaaad.

I have often used the Yogi brand teabag tags for inspiration before. In fact, I find them to be thought provoking every time I open one.  The message shown above was on the ginger tea I swallowed this evening in effort to stem the tide of a cold I got two days ago.

I work at trying appreciate the things I have, but I think I fall short of appreciating my own self which means honoring my soul is hard to get my mind around. But I keep up the attempts.

If you want to be inspired, there are sources all around us on every medium and from every genre. My favorites include the instagram writings and photos from Jade Teta, Meta Effect, Jillfit, and the blog posts by Marc and Angel Hack Life, Christina Rasmussen to name just a few.  I cannot imagine a world without the inclusion of the internet to deliver the insights of these people.

Do I need inspiration?  Oh yeah baby.  I need it bad.  I am coming off a three month layoff from my exercise routine due to two things: 1) Being married and in love with a man whom I love to lie around in bed with in the mornings(and the afternoons and evenings).  And 2) having had a bad bout with shoulder rotator cuff problems which sent me to the orthopaedic doc.  I was hoping against hope that this would not lead to surgery on my left shoulder after I had had the same surgery 2 years ago on my right shoulder.  Yippee Skippy! I got Physical Therapy prescribed for as long as I need it on the left shoulder. I've been going for the last month now and it is better, but not 100%.  Then again, maybe this is the new 100% for me(?)  Anyone who is an exercise enthusiast will know that when you are laid up, it is hell. What do you do to fill the time- why eat of course!  Jade Teta will tell you that there are two ways to lose fat. Eat less, exercise less.  Or, you can Eat more, Exercise More.  But there is no third way called Exercise less, Eat More, so there ya go.  You can't have your couch potato life and eat it too.

Over this last month, the hubby and I have watched every Star Wars movie in chronological order  so I could be brought up to speed with the saga and can now enjoy the latest episode in theaters.  We are going to see it this Saturday when the tickets are just 5 bucks at the local AMC theater with reclining leather seats. So what if its 8:45 in the morning- we'll have breakfast and a movie, not dinner and a movie. Hubby says I am a cheap date which makes me proud.

When I watch the Star Wars movies, I am reminded at how visually repulsive the Jabba The Hut character was.  Getting the mental picture are you?

That "Jabba The Hut look" is how I feel now since being away from my customary workout routine due to this shoulder stuff.  Now comes the hardest part of all- being inspired enough to go on without the shame and self loathing that only drags me down further. With the help of my 'inspirers' I will get through this and get on to the life I want for myself again.

The Party's Over

Yes, the party's over and we are in Hawaii!  It is a sad last day on Maui, though and we are heading to the airport tonight for our all night return flight home.

Its been a good trip with lots of talking, listening and learning.  Lots of advice, insight and exposed feelings.  For me, its been a week packed with love and the give and take that comes with it.

I don't think anyone will ever realize what it is like to be given a new life with a new person who is just so thoughtful and giving toward me.  It just wasn't supposed to happen to me and I cannot believe I am so lucky.  To go from feeling like I would never love again, never BE loved again to being hopelessly IN love with this person is still mind boggling.

So I look at my husband as we drive by car to all the activities we had planned, and I revel in the feeling of satisfaction and gratitude that I am with him.

We were given a gift by my family of a snorkeling trip to the Molokai crater which also included a trip to 'Turtle Town' which was another snorkeling trip to see more beautiful sea life including sea turtles.  I was happy that I was able to see such things in a way I had never seen them before.

We went to a dinner magic theatre named Warren and Annabelle's.  I have not laughed so much in years.  The food was fantastic and the people we ate with were fun and nice.

-------------------------------

Well...  that was that.  The last entry of  ThisSongIsOver.  Its abrupt end is coming about because I wish to continue my thoughts in a new direction.  Even though its still 'MY life after HIS death', my life is much more than that.  So I now launch the new blog by the name of Strength In Letters. I hope you will continue to follow it with interest.

House of Cards

Where the heck have I been you may ask.  Well, living my new life is kinda time consuming and is a full time job I reply.  Sometimes, as much as I want it to be a part of my life, this blog takes a back seat to reality.


I am a competitive person and I do not like to lose.  Games, even the kind that are 'just for fun' are meant to be won(IMO) and I want to be that winner.  Every time.  Seriously.
Often, JZ and I go over to a neighbors' house and play Left Right Center or some other card game. The evening includes much wine and other imbibing of food and spirits.  JZ doesn't like wine, so he drinks hard lemonade or hard root beer.  mmmmm  Root Beer.  Tis indeed good stuff!
As a trainee to the card game of golf, JZ was my coach.  We practiced at home one evening and I found out just how much of a sore loser I can be.  No wonder my kids are like they are- because they are like me!  Win or go home is my feeling when it comes to games.

With a group of people, I am less apt to take it so hard when I am not number one.  This is easier on my psyche and JZ probably likes that too.  He has admitted that he gets frustrated with me at times.   He is up for game nights with our neighbors at the drop of a hat.  He calls them his 'harem' and I see him relishing the hugging they all give him at the end of the evening when the party breaks up.  Ahhh life is good.

I am more in love with my husband as time goes by.  He is onto my way of lovingly sarcastic jabs and he can fire back with puns and sarcastic humor on his own now.  I love his sense of humor!

We have traveled over to California to meet friends and spread Gary's ashes in the Pacific.  It was not a particularly solemn event.  We got up but did not get to the beach until full daylight and the surfing community was out in full force already.  I chose when and where to empty the bag of cremains into the ocean and I took pictures which I forwarded onto our sons.  It was weird to return home afterwards to a house that has no tangible evidence of Gary's presence anymore.  I miss that, yet I am at peace with Gary's physical absence.
Just tonight I ran across the photo video which Gary's brother put together for Gary's memorial services.  I played it and JZ and I watched it.  It was the first time he had seen it and the first time in 18 months that I had seen it.  Afterwards, we stood and hugged without saying a word to each other.  Nothing had to be said.  This is a good thing.

The reception preparations continue to drag on and it is constantly on my mind.  JZ admonishes me for making this into more than he thinks it should be and more than I thought it would become.  It is fun though and I would do the same thing if it had been held on the same day as my wedding, so what the heck.  Still, I am so happy that people I hold dear are making the trip to see us and share our happiness.  This makes it all worthwhile. This is why we do these things anyway, right?

The reward is the finality of our marriage and the realization that we really are a permanent couple.  Sealed with a honeymoon to Hawaii 2 days after our reception, I look forward to my future.