When Gary and I were married on July 12, 1975, one of the solos sung was Time In A Bottle. I still like that song because it makes me think like the 18 year old I was then. I believed in a forever with Gary. I guess I actually got that now that I think about it. Our relationship will last forever, even though our marriage no longer does.
Of course I feel Gary's loss more on important days like our anniversary. I still often catch myself thinking that its not fair. Why can't WE have a 40th anniversary to look forward to?
When I began my career with Northwestern Bell, I just knew that I would hang in there until the end, ie; retirement. I believed that all women should work and earn enough money so that if need be, they could support themselves and not rely on a man. I kept that mindset for the tough years when our kids were young and I continued up the wage scale in my many jobs with the phone company and in the directory advertising business. I refused to be a victim. I would not be one of "those" women who were left with nothing when their husbands took off. My rule: NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
I still do believe that nothing lasts forever. And the reason is, because it can't. The world and how it affects us changes us and causes changes to our lives. Coincidental things add up to major changes like one person getting a death sentence before his time and causing the end of a life together.
That's the way it is. I still hate it.
I found this song that really expresses the way I felt for about the first 16 months of my life after Gary died. I can't say I'm beyond the feelings of the song, but I have been able to have many more days when I feel only gratitude for having had Gary while I did, and not so much the sadness of his death as I get used to no longer having him here.
This song is for Gary. It is a beautiful song. I hope you will take the time to listen and follow along. And I wish that none of you will ever have to feel like this due to losing your bestest friend and lover.
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