Some of our damages are age related. You can't reach adulthood without showing some wear and tear. It only piles on as you live.
We get kicked around, thrown carelessly in a heap by others and sometimes the damages are self inflicted wounds.
My damages are on the outside like sun damage, deep wrinkles, worry lines, warts and a few bent joints that were broken but didn't heal perfectly.
DM has many outward damage marks like gray, and balding hair, wrinkles from squinting into the sun while driving machinery and when golfing. He walks with a slight limp due to two hip surgeries. His skin is no where near the flawless category. He is very attractive to me in spite of these things because I know that there is more than what I see on his bent and scarred exterior box.
AND THEN
there is the damage that awaits when we get inside our boxes. Mental damage, ie; even brain damage. Quirkiness, ideals, opinions, obsessions, addictions, wants and desires and misguided thoughts that lead to self medication and self coping mechanisms. If you're a human box, these things are inside you. But like boxes, some of us get stomped on and run over just one too many times. We can't think our way out of our box of sorrow, loneliness or hurt. We become desperate for a new box to live in.
I don't care who you are, if you've ever looked for friendship or love in the general population, and especially if you're over the age of 40, you're going to find yourself wading into a huge pile of damaged goods.
HAH! I just realized that the term 'damaged goods', still contains the word, 'good'. That implies that the contents of our boxes still hold value. We still have value to others and to ourselves once the box is opened to discover who is inside. So why would we just light a match and say that the damaged goods are not worth saving or even opening? Hey, that's me in MY box that you may be torching!
My DM has physical issues and right now is also confronting the worst mental trial probably of his life. His psyche has been damaged every bit as much as mine has been by death. He has tried to mend his damaged box, but he grabbed the wrong materials and it is not working.
How can you throw away a human box- I mean human BEING- though? You don't. You grab them and show them how to get help. You tell them what worked for you and others. You hope and pray that they are listening and will find the person who will open their box and rebuild the contents with the parts that are still good. And there are always lots of good parts.
My metaphor here helps me write what I cannot say about my loved one's struggles right now. I cannot be the one who opens him up and fixes the mess inside. I wasn't the source of his undoing and I can't repair him. I know that. But I also can't toss him aside like trash. He is very valuable to me and to many others. I know there may be a day when I have to let this one go and I have told him that. He wants to be shown how to get his life put back together. He has used these very words. It will be work. I am not his partner in this one, but I will be there for him as long I don't get hurt in the scramble. I would hope I could be strong enough to say when enough is enough, and see that my involvement is futile. Most of all, I pray that I never see that day, because I love him no matter what.
I see signs of good things around the corner. Yesterday, I opened my Yogi teabag and this is what it said, "Your greatest strength is love." That is why I decided I would not walk away from DM now. And today, I sip tea with a tag that says, "Uplift everybody and uplift yourself." Pretty spookily appropriate, huh?
Life is such a bumpy, rutted road, isn't it? I hope that that driver of the truck we are riding in keeps the doors closed so we don't bounce out into the ditch. No more damages to these fragile lives, please.
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