How to make a love last

Whenever I'm alone I muse.  JZ went over to his old house to gather more of his tools and equipment to move them and reassemble his woodworking shop here at our abode. While he was gone, I got out the floor sweeper and steam mop to get the built up scum off the floor.  I just can't stand to walk on crumbs or sticky messes.  With two dogs and a husband contributing to the scum, I should be at this task every single day, but I am trying to relax just a tad in what has been termed an obsession for cleanliness(mom simply called it everyday cleaning).

So, as I methodically push the Hoover Floormate and watch for crumbs to suck up, I think.

Today's Theatre of the Mind presents:  How to make love last.  Specifically the love I live in and with now.  I love Love!  And I love being in love even though I know this will not always be the case.  That's the gift of having lived in a long marriage and seeing the changes that occur naturally in a relationship.  Gary and I didn't have a fairy tale marriage, but it was pretty darn nice and for the most part very, very rewarding and satisfying.  I can use Gary and Marsha as a model, but only to make my new marriage even better because I can never make it the same, nor would I want to.  My first life was a base for me to build this one on.

Its a puzzle that many experts tackle: How do you make a loving marriage last?  Some would say it can't last and its just not supposed to.  Humans are not meant to be monogamous, right?  Don't say that to JZ.  He has a propensity for commitment.  Like me, he was tested in his first marriage and he knows he can make a marriage stand the test of time.  He's very patient with me and with the cycles of life. Thank goodness that I found such a sweet partner with this invaluable trait!

Whether you buy into the whole horoscope thing or not, I think some of the stuff about my 'Taurus-ness' is true.  I am loyal and trustworthy.  I have tenacity and I don't give up easily.  I won't be giving into the throw away mentality some have concerning marriage.  Being lucky enough to be married to someone IS worth hanging in there, IMO.
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I want to insert an item of import to me and JZ, since today, August 20th is his birthday. Its such a special birthday since it is the first time since he was in his twenties that he has had someone who celebrated his day of birth.  That makes it a big deal for me.  I want to show him how much he means to me and how his own special day is a great way to show him I love and appreciate him.  For those who don't know him, here is his horoscope and it is indeed a fitting one!!
If You Were Born Today, August 20

You are a hard worker, yet you also enjoy the comforts of home and family. Striking a balance between these two passions is important for your all-around happiness. You don't turn to others for advice or help very readily, simply because you find much satisfaction doing things on your own; yet you are also highly companionable. You enjoy conversation, friendly companionship, and a peaceful environment. You try to avoid discord as much as you can, and due to your graciousness and gentle manner, you usually succeed. You are excellent at strategy. You may cling to your lifestyle and don't make changes as readily as others. An overall feeling of stability is important to you. You are a very ardent, charming lover, and you may be drawn to partners who are emotional and a tad dramatic. 

Happy birthday to my dearest!! 

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So then, how to make the reason for the marriage(that's love, of course) last?
First off, you can't think of love as a fire or flame, because flames inevitably flame out.
The fuel that feeds the flame expends itself too fast and then sputters and dies.

Nope, I think love is kept alive if you think of it kind of as the glow plug on a diesel engine.  Always there, warm and ready to turn a sticky engine ignition with a chug and a roar.

Or maybe love needs to be thought of as a low watt night light.  Soft, and always there to keep you from stumbling into the door frame when you get up at night to go to the bathroom.

Hmmm more along that line of thought occurs to me as I steam up doggie footprints in front of the refrigerator.  I think that I need to treat our love as a string of low voltage lights illuminating the path at night.  It takes a low, slow and steady feed of energy to keep these comforting warm lights glowing, but with care, the string will keep the nights lit up for years with just the right amount of light to bring a sense of well being and peace to the darkness.

Is this MY backyard you ask?  Not hardly, but isn't it gorgeous?

Vive La Difference!

These days it feels like I am standing in the center of a merry go round as I watch the horses circle around me.  I can see the horses and the people and life beyond the whirling colors, but I must stand and wait for the music to stop so I can jump into and out of the spinning activity.

Don't get me wrong; Life is Good.
Its better than good in fact, its GREAT.  Just this morning as JZ and I lay in bed talking quietly as we slowly woke up, I said to him, "I am very rich." He understood exactly what I meant and agreed that we are both rich in what matters in life.

But this new life is still life and after what I've been through the last few months, I need to pause and take a breath.  Assess.
Find the 'me' that I can live with in addition to living my new life as a wife, partner and lover to a man again.

I love my husband, yet he is, after all, another human being with his own agenda, and that can run against the grain of my sometimes headstrong beliefs, hopes and irrational ideas-my absolutes.

We just returned from a great week away from the desert, visiting in Nebraska, South Dakota and Colorado.  We've logged many miles in cars and in airports and planes as we tried to hit all the high points and meet as many family and friends as humanly possible in 6 days.

I love my new in laws, that's for sure!  The Z family reunion we attended is a bi-annual event that takes in the hundreds of descendants from Germany to the south central Nebraska towns my husband and family grew up in.  These people are extremely well versed in their ancestors' names, vocations and the buildings and homesteads they lived in. I was and am very impressed.

My new father-in-law is quite proud of his heritage and, after meeting me, sat down next to me with the tome of dates, names and member pictures of the family name he carries after 150 years in this country.  My mother-in-law and father-in-law are nice to the max and I felt very welcomed. My new brothers-in-law(there are four of them) and their wives talked with me as if they had known me for a long time.  Acceptance is a warm fuzzy feeling and I am grateful to be feeling it.

My own siblings all met my new Mister and although I know it was sometimes tiring for Mr. Zed to repeat the same background checks and stories to each of his new in-laws, everyone got along in a positive and friendly manner.  I have heard nothing but praise for choosing such a nice man to share my life with.

Now begin the next steps.  We are back home and this is real life.  A new life where, as I adjust to him, he is also adjusting to me.  I know that we will forever be adjusting our sets right at the time of life when most people have settled into their little routine without giving much thought to the person they have shared it with for 40 to 50 years.

For me and JZ, its as if we are thrown back into our 20's as we learn how to maneuver around each other.  Can we accomplish this without causing the same irritations we experienced with our former spouses? That's the goal anyway- and its a lofty goal, too.

I am not perfect.  My dear husband is not perfect.  Our love and our life is not perfect.

But just think how perfectly boring it would be if they were!

JZ on Devils Bridge near Sedona, AZ