Gary was thrilled with his new branch. Busy, problematic, challenging; it was perfect for him to become immersed in. I worked hard on getting a transfer to the nearest locale of my company to southern California: Sunny Phoenix. I did eventually land a transfer to graphics in Phoenix and arrived in April '03.
For the next 4 years Gary and I commuted back and forth from Colton, CA to the house in N. Phoenix and then from my Phoenix studio apt to our house in Redlands.
Gary's friend and admin assistant, Liz was a constant support for Gary. Sister, Mother all rolled into one, Liz was Gary's right hand in all ways. She told me how Gary always told her he had to race home on Thursdays to clean if I was going to be coming from Phoenix for the weekend.
Gary and I fell into a pattern I devised. I would fly or drive over for 3 weekends per month. He would drive over 1 weekend a month and we would each stay put one weekend every other month.
Always, we would do something on Friday evenings; a late happy hour or just dinner, and most likely on Saturday morning and afternoon. Saying goodbye on Sunday afternoon was a bummer.
Of course the majority of our time was spent apart. Yes, we could call each other during the day and we often did. I got Gary's diagnosis(from Gary) of Parkinson's over the phone as I stood just outside my office in April, 2006.
No matter what the day had been like, we always called each other every evening. Most of the time the call would occur when each of us was eating dinner. Gary usually called me: -ring ring- I'd answer, "Hi" "Hi" the voice from California would say. Sometimes I would be watching such an interesting episode of Dr Phil while eating my salad or soup, I wouldn't have much to say. Neither would Gary, although I think he was watching Wheel of Fortune with equal abandon.
Good thing long distance is no longer cost prohibitive. Our 'conversations' often ended with me saying, "Well..... I got nuthin'." "OK then", California voice said. "I love you" "I love you too. Talk to you tomorrow. bye." "Yep. 'bye"
I have a philosophy about marriage. I've voiced it to most of my coworkers so they've heard this before.
Marriage is about constantly changing phases. The two(unless you're in Utah) people in it are also in phases that most often are not the same place at the same time.
I feel a person falls in and out of love, even in a marriage. Sometimes you can't stand the guy. Then at times you can't get enough of him. Sometimes you don't want to be in the same room. Other times, you've missed him so much when he's been out of town that you can't wait to hear firsthand what he's been doing and where he's been and what he's seen. The phone call just isn't the same as hearing and seeing that person tell you himself.
Sometimes marriage is incredibly exciting, but often its a real yawner.
Sometimes you're married to the most interesting person in the world and other times you'd swear you live with your brother. (Love you Leland!)
All the time though, there's this anchoring thing called commitment. No matter what, you've got someone who is in your corner, one who won't give up on you or on US.
The last 11 years since Gary and I moved from Sioux Falls were the "Salad Days" of our marriage. Our weekends when we lived apart became very special and very FUN.
When I did finally get to move back in with my husband, we were best friends, we did everything together. Going to Target was FUN if we did it together. Going to Jack In The Box for a weekend breakfast or meeting him for lunch at Wendy's was a treat. But the ultimate adventure was going up through Tehachapi to Bakersfield to Porterville, over to Visalia, Hanford to Paso Robles. Once we stopped in Morro Bay overnight! We would pass through Atascadero, San Luis Obispo, Pismo and come back down through Ventura, Santa Barbara, maybe Simi Valley and back through the Grapevine.
Without anyone to answer to for our time, we traveled and got to see things we never knew were out there.To drive along such beautiful highways together, the rolling green hills out one window and the sparkling ocean out the other, was very special to both of us. Even though we didn't talk about it much at those times, we KNEW we were such lucky people!
Now when I am sad, these are the lost times I am sad for.
When Gary was so sick he could not leave the bedroom, I told him how much calling him had meant to me when I lived alone in Phoenix. I knew that I could call him day or night and some nights I did call him even though I knew he'd be sleeping.
I told Gary how much I loved being able to call him and that I would continue to call him every day even after he was gone. He just smiled and said, "OK".
Now that he's gone and I had his cell phone disconnected, I can't call Gary, BUT I do write to him every single night. I have pages of 'conversations' I've shared with Gary, and I make sure to say more than just "Hi."
"I Love you"..................."Love you too".........................."Talk to you tomorrow."
No comments:
Post a Comment