Gary's Legacy

I was just thinking about the word Legacy; what it means to me and about what it means in terms of what Gary and the memories of him mean to other people.  Their relationships with him were way all over the board different than mine, as can be expected.  We are all different people at work, or in public, than who we are with our family and yet again somebody else with our spouse in an empty nest household when we no longer have to act a certain way in front of our kids. "Being ourselves" means what? We all have Sybils inside us I think.

I got a call tonight when I was out walking Robbie.  Maybe it was because it was dark, but I could zero in on the voice of the person who was calling on his cell phone as he drove from Ontario, CA up to Vegas where he is working.  This person is Ben. Ben is a builder who worked for Gary for several years. Once in awhile when Ben would be working up in the Visalia area, Gary and I would meet up with him and have dinner and a drink.  When it came time to remodel our foreclosure dump in Mentone, Gary called on Ben to help.  Ben does nice work.  He is a finish carpenter, not a butcher.  He can also solder and he was able to hook up our water softener for $60 instead of $450 that the water softener company wanted to charge. Ben didn't do as much work building sheds in the last year because he took a job with a company that goes around and remodels grocery stores.  Steady work, but now he's always somewhere else besides home.
I was at the branch the evening in April when Gary saw Ben for the last time.  Gary ran the forklift and picked up some junk while he waited for Ben to finish so he could lock the gate. Later I asked Gary if Ben knew that he had cancer.  Gary said, "Well, I'm sure he knows something because of all the weight I've lost."  Gary never talked to Ben again.
When Ben called tonight, he said he was so sorry about Gary. No one had told him about Gary's death until 3 weeks after the fact.  He said that he told them he wanted to attend any memorial, but they never called him to let him know when it was.  So Ben was calling to say he was sorry that he had not been there.  He wanted me to know how much Gary meant to him and like everyone does, he told me how great a guy Gary was to him and how much he liked him.
Whenever I get these nice calls, its like ripping off a scab again. It is hard to hear how well liked your husband was because it reinforces that this likable guy is gone. Most days I can manage but then out of the blue someone says something nice about Gary and...

When I got back home tonight the word Legacy came to me in respect to Gary.  Gary would never ever think he could leave a legacy.  But we all do, good or bad.  I never realized how many people out there thought so highly about Gary until now.  They all have their reasons for saying that.  Its Gary's legacy and its a different thing for each person who misses him.

Until now, the word Legacy would have conjured up images of  the two Subaru Legacy cars I've owned. I loved them.  They had great qualities and they were both fun, reliable, safe and good looking.  Gary was all that to most people but much more than that to me.

I think Gary would truly be surprised at the legacy he left. He would never have guessed he would get so many cards and that so many people came to his memorials.  He left a great legacy.  I can only hope that I would leave one half as good as his.