Just Out Living

November 24, 2013

was the day that I got to start living longer than Gary did.  You will think this is strange, but Gary was one year, one month and one week older than me.  So one year, one month and one week after his life ended, November 24, 2013, was the day I started living longer than Gary got to.

Its not fair. Its not right.

Maybe I should treat this as a gift and that every day I should now live for both Gary and myself.  That's a noble idea.  I miss smiling most of all.  Smiling at his hits and misses at humor.  If only I could have taken some of his skills and talents on too, but they had to die with him.

I always thought of myself as being younger, because I was, but now I am older.  Will he recognize me when I see him again? He will be as good looking as ever, I'm sure. Not me, I have started to dye my hair to cover the gray.

Two nights ago I woke up at 1:30am. I had a strange feeling and heard Robbie walking around in the hallway and kitchen like he could hear something.  It was then that I felt so scared and alone not having someone else beside me as comfort even if he was snoring and sleeping soundly.  I never got back to sleep until after 3am because of fear of the unknown.  I will be taking nighttime tylenol from now on.

For everyone who still has their spouse, treasure their presence and kiss them goodnight. And most of all, try to not outlive them.