I am bummed. When the head says, 'yes', but the body says, 'absolutely not', what are you supposed to do?
About two weeks ago, I added running into my morning walks. Robbie was not thrilled to be pulled away from the hundreds of bushes he wanted to smell and pee on, but too bad, dog. I was seeing some progress in how long I was able to run in addition to speed walking. Then, after a solid 10 days of pounding the pavement for more than an hour each morning, my knees and legs turned on me with a vengeance. I sought advice from my runner-in-law who is a long time runner extraordinaire. Obviously, a pseudo diagnosis over the phone is not optimum for help in what to do.
Its so irritating to go from seeing a future that held fitness to the idea that I will be thrown in the discard pile of fat to fit stories.
This whole idea of wild swings in my weight and shape has been a continuous thing for about 40 years. I starved myself for weeks in advance of the start of high school so that when we were weighed in gym class, my weight wouldn't be broadcast all over the girl's locker room, forever branding me as FAT. What a STUPID thing this was to do to girls. No wonder we women have had body image problems for generations now.
So, yes, I do go up 60-80lbs but I have also managed to lose that much weight many times. I have accrued as many Lifetime Weight Watchers lives as a cat.
Gary was no help whatsoever in my weight struggles. There was no way he would EVER have understood what I endured, being a naturally lean person blessed with a perfect metabolism. It was pure envy that I felt watching him eat ice cream every night, eating candy bars and sweets without a thought, and plowing through 5 loaded plates at AYCE buffets. At home, he learned early to hide most of his 'crack' candy from me, the addict.
So I find myself on yet another journey to health. It is really a necessary thing for me now to do this for my sanity and desire to live a better life. My male friend thought I was comfortable being the way I am, but he has no history of how I have looked and obviously doesn't know me well enough to know I could never be satisfied in this unhealthy state. One of the old guys at the dogpark told me I don't need to lose weight. That spurred me into the weight loss mode at warp speed!
When I think of my inner self, I still think like that 17 year old who wants to look as good as the other skinny girls in high school. You know how we all have a mental age that our minds think we are? Perhaps 17 is my maturity level, but my mental age is 26. 26 was a good age for me because it was one of those years I lost over 50 pounds, in fact.
Another friend, the mother of the runner-in-law, tells me I will have to sit this out until the pain subsides. I can't do that though. I have a dog to walk and this mess stuck to my frame is not going to go away if I sit around with my feet up. I have every confidence that I will lose this, though. I have experience and my mind is clearly focused on this one priority. Without a doubt, I am an excellent dieter. Now that a huge life event, Gary's death, is in my past, I will concentrate on my life's future.
So, my workaround of this problem will be to modify my routine in hopes that other means of exercise will get me through these tough times until I can resume speed walking with no pain. Weights, a mini tramp and Zumba music, plus some yoga will have to do for now.
In the grand scheme of things, this setback is not life changing, but instead is part of my still changing life.
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