Yeah, it sucked. It still sucks. But I was getting suspicious of the lifespan of the relationship anyway. There were many clues I chose to avoid and shut out. Am I the only one who does this? Doubt it. We WANT so badly to believe that things aren't really so bad and so we ignore the intuition and the danger signs. It didn't mean they weren't there and they did not go away.
Heartbreak is a major letdown, but with every bad there is also good. The good? Well, I am still myself, I am still intact as ME and no longer have to shoulder the burden of being US when it was uncomfortable at worst or just a bother at the least.
I find I LIKE going to bed when I want to. I eat when I want to, and what I want. I am not concerned with making food for a grain consuming palette. I am quite happy that the stress of US is gone which had been causing me to stress eat. I was bending to the will of someone who said I was too thin so I gained 15 pounds. I did not like myself at that weight though. BUTT! In just a couple of weeks, I'm down nearly 6 pounds. I feel incredibly strong because this has never happened before when I've lost a slug of weight. I've always gained it back. NUH UH!! Not this time and NOT for a pathetic reason like this!
Back to MY priorities: nutritious food and healthy daily workouts. I even listen to MY music again. Country music has been wiped from my computer's and tablet's Pandora as have those pictures of that smiling couple headed down a destructive path.
I love this song, Fireflies, because I visualize having my own fruit jar of happy things(fireflies) sitting on my nightstand. Sure, I can watch them inside the jar and enjoy their beauty, but I can also let one or two escape and flit around spreading their tiny lights in the darkness. It proves that even tiny little things can be a delight and will surprise us.
I've decided that now is a good time to reach into my jar of fireflies and give a few the freedom of flight and happiness. And I get to enjoy the show.
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