WYSIWYG

I am sitting outside this morning with coffee, my protein shake and my laptop at the tiny table on my covered patio.  The days I'll be able to do this are numbered because as May approaches, even the morning temps can be too hot to sit comfortably outside for long periods.

I hear my bamboo fountain splashing into the tiny pond.  Doves, finches and hummingbirds sound their coos and chips in the branches of my large shade tree.

I look at the beauty of my landscape and I like what I see.  Its WYSIWYG.

 WYSIWYG is a term used in word processing and typesetting to signify that what you see on your computer screen is what you will get when you print or produce what you are typing.  Its a pretty profound advancement that came about in the 80's in the infancy of computer graphics and html processing of all kinds.
WYSIWYG stands for "What You See Is What You Get".  The phrase was first used by the comedian Flip Wilson in his persona of Geraldine.
I was walking Robbie earlier when the acronym WYSIWYG popped into my mind. Wouldn't it be great if people were as authentic as what we see when we type into our devices? How I wish I could go back and see again the person(s) I was so wrong about at first, but would now have the ability, with WYSIWYG, to see what they were like in reality?
Its been a trying but learning process the last three weeks to overcome the feeling of loss of my relationship with DM.  In fact, its still not settled in some respects.
I have learned sooo much with my late night and day long forays into the world of psychology, personality disorders and basically people who are fucked up in the head. BINGO! I found DM and his ex in crisp black and white after combing through all the descriptions of their bizarre behaviors.
I absolutely needed to do this for myself even though most people would say, "Oh just quit obsessing and move on.  There's someone out there who will treat you right." That is kinda like when people say to a grieving widow, "Its time to Move On".    Well sorry, but considering the sources of that advice, it is very unhelpful when it comes from someone who is happily or at least contentedly married and has no idea what its like to be alone when you don't choose to be.
Back to my research of the human psyche.  The mess I was unwittingly dragged into is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Ex has it BAD.  She ticks ev-er-ree box of symptoms.  Control freak to the max and has never known a moment of happiness in her life, I'm sure. You don't want to know all the other markers that she exhibits and I am not going to retype them here.
Then there is DM, aka Codependent Narcissistic who, as is typical, picked a rube(moi) to suck into his relationship with Evil Ex.  Its called Triangulation and it almost always happens with dysfunctional narcissistic couples.  Although DM may not have originally been a narcissist, over the years he was programed by his master (Ex) to behave a certain way, say and do things the way she wanted, yet he never has and never can hope to get her approval.  Her brain disorder won't let that happen. She will always be his and everyone else's superior. Cruelty, constant angst, hateful words, substance abuse, and just pure misery is a way of life for them both and they don't even have a clue that this is not normal life.
I found that about 6% of all people have NPD.  Lucky me- beating those odds so nicely to get sucked into the exclusive 6% Club!  I have been reading books galore and even more articles about breaking off a relationship with someone with NPD.  Not knowing any other way to operate in the world, DM has adopted the same self centered behavior as Ex.  Ahhhh, a match made in Hell.
All of the breakup books and articles refer to the other 94% of typical relationships that go south, where there is actually some blame to be laid at the feet of both parties.  This too, does me no good.  I was truly the victim in the whole sad story.  There was nothing I could have done differently. I know that and that is a powerful realization.
*I* am not nuts!  I am a good person.  I am smart.  Most of all, I know that I didn't do anything wrong.
Narcissists put on a facade at first.  DM is a superb actor, so he can lie like a champ and cry like a little girl(tearless though) when its needed.  Our first two months were bliss, yes, but when I started to call him on the broken promises, outright lies and secretive activities, he started to bail on me in little ways.  Even with the strong control his Master has on him, that old familiar prison started to look preferable to being the persona he couldn't continue to masquerade as to me. Poor DM- our relationship didn't feel safe anymore.  He re-offended so that he could be sent back to prison.
Thinking I was dealing with a normal divorcing basket case, I tried to support him and followed the rules they made me play by. I was a good Triangular Girl for 3 months.
Most relationships with narcisissts only last for 3-6 mos.  I played it out for 5.5.  This was to my detriment.
But, oh the lessons I've learned!!  I think I'm on my way to an A in this chapter test of Life 101, because I now will approach every possible relationship with a critical eye.  A very critical eye.

Technology is a wonderful thing.  Think of the cars that drive themselves. Now we need great minds to get onto the task of inventing something that  enables us to read people better in advance of being crushed by their depraved needs and manipulations.  I wish I had a such a tool to gauge, "What I See Is Who I Want To Love".

Character is doing the right thing even when it costs more than you want to pay.

 When it comes to character, you don't have to be sick to get better.

Its easier for a good person to get better than for a bad person to get good.

Michael Josephson