The @Rt of conversation

I remember taking speech class in high school.  It was one of those required classes in order to graduate from a South Dakota high school and I think it was a good requirement.  We all need to be able to think and speak while on our feet.  I wish I had gotten into Debate after seeing how well both my sons did in the competitions years later.

So why should speech class garner my accolades now?  Because the various kinds of speeches we were required to present forced me to formulate and articulate my views while in front of an audience of peers.  I could usually wing it successfully even if not properly prepared.  Today I wish I had aggressively pursued Toastmasters too. Never too late for that, I guess.

All forms of communication are based on the verbal signals and phrases we send out to our listeners or conversation partners.  Its such a valuable skill to have, that of the spoken word, person to person, complete with all the nuances and inflections of the voices.  No guessing the meaning of the speaker's words when there is a lively expressive face to watch while hearing the words the face is forming.

I am taking a new interest in speaking and in the art of conversation because I am going forward with plans to meet more people who may have similar interests as me.  Most of these are singles and through Meetup, I am finding a plethora of groups who do things I would like to do or try.  Meeting people requires me to think, to observe, to listen, react appropriately and recall. I am out of practice so I have been trying to hone those skills again by going places with people and spending more time with people than on the computer.

Last weekend, I went to breakfast with my 84-yr-old neighbor man down the street.  He talked about his wife who passed away a couple of years ago.  He spoke of his dreams to move to a coastal area in Florida or the Carolinas.  Dreams don't stop just because you reach a certain age!  He reminisced about traveling in Europe to places his family ancestors had told him about.  He was very happy to have someone sitting across from him listening to his stories.  He then listened to my situation, my dreams and he told me the one thing I should be doing is to move out of Sun City to meet a non-letcherous man who cares about himself in both body and mind. One who can reciprocate my feelings and who has empathy for others.  My kinda guy, alright.

And how does one find a person or people like this?  By talking to them.  Striking up conversations wherever I go.  Making speeches one on one, if you will. Most importantly, listening and consciously absorbing all you can through the words and the body language you get and give.

Its not easy to hold a conversation with someone you've just met.  You don't dare tread into certain areas like politics and religion. That's plainly committing convo hari kari.

Up until yesterday, I was also seeing a man who I thought may have been a possible future interest of sorts, but that fizzled when I learned, through 7 dates and numerous phone conversations, that he is just NOT at all my type of man.  Even if I had managed to get past the 10 cats he has crawling every square inch of the home he shared with his wife who died, I just can't tolerate a man who doesn't know what's going on in the world.  Get this: he didn't even KNOW that Bruce Jenner is going transgender!! How big was that frickin' rock he was under?!! I mean, c'mon, does he not read the magazines at the nail salons like I do?  Sheese!

After 3 weeks of trying the dating thing, I had to text my "Dear John, I-don't-think-either-of-us-is-ready-for-this-right-now-and-even-though-you-got-that-Cialis-script-from-your-doctor-I-just-don't-think-I'm-the-type-for-sex-without-love."(Especially since 4 of his cats share his bed with him and the smell of Fresh Step about gagged me when I walked in his front door)  But that's just me....

So its on to new horizons in the game of meeting new people.  My next stop is to try outdoor activity Meetups.  I went to one Meetup last night, a happy hour followed by 2 hours of trivia played at a bar in Surprise.  The group, consisting of baby boomer singles has some members who are on the the tip of the boomer iceberg, but most seem very nice and the conversation was very easy.  I even knew some trivia answers in the hockey and horses topics.  One man who I was particularly keen on getting to know happens to have lived in Sioux Falls in the 70's when I was still in high school.  He doesn't look very old though and I wasn't going to be so rude as to ask his age since we were in a large group.  I may join up another group he is in which goes on casual bike rides on weekends.  Some more commonality we share is that he is a widow as of last June and he has lost 35 pounds on Weight Watchers.  He seems very nice indeed.
One thing I found interesting in talking with him is that when I expressed my regret for his wife's sudden death of a massive stroke, I also added that I admired his ability to 'get out there' and join the world so quickly after her passing.  He shrugged it off and said, "life goes on".  Refreshing!  I've read that men may be more likely to gather themselves up faster and are able to connect with and date people sooner than women.

Oh and lets not forget talking to DM now and then.  I just cannot hate the guy, and we do communicate without malice.  I don't use the letters DM to abbreviate for Dear Man anymore though; DM now stands for Disturbed Man or Decimated Man, but never Diabolical or Despicable Man. I actually have figured out a lot about him(and me) and now think I can look ahead to a future without him because I am constantly having a rational conversation with myself about the impractical nature of him being in my life in his present state of mind.
So I remain a student of conversation and speech with new and interesting people.   Stay tuned, our conversation continues after a brief commercial break....