Seeing this scene in person does make me feel that and more.
This is Super Target. I happen to be a huge fan of Super Target. Gary and I would go out of our way to stop at one when we could find them in California where they are a rare commodity.
Here in Peoria, there is one just up the road on Lake Pleasant. Its called appropriately, the Far North Peoria Super Target.
Gary and I went here a lot. Most people know how Gary loved to sniff out bargains. He would leave me and cruise all over the store looking only at the end caps for markdowns and closeouts. He especially went nuts after holidays when the stores had their 50% off candy. He couldn't care less about Easter itself, but don't stand in his way on the Monday after! He was all about stocking up on Peeps, Cadbury eggs and malted milk balls. Halloween was even bigger: Butterfingers! Snickers! Even Christmas has its markdowns where you can find Christmas tree and gingerbread man Peeps.
I found out that what Gary didn't take to work and eat,(I have witnesses who saw him downing out of season candy year 'round) he would hide in the garage at home in his Craftsman rolling toolboxes! Pretty safe because he knew *I* was never going to go out there and use those tools. I had him do everything and he knew it.
Gary also liked to go to the meat department and find the reduced packages of just about anything. If he took it home immediately and put it on the grill or threw it into the freezer it was fine!
So, to reduce the pain of remembering how enjoyable it was to watch Gary find bargains at Target or any grocery store, I have been avoiding it altogether. Until last night that is.
When I got home from Sioux Falls, and went through all of Gary's clothes, I also went through the kitchen and threw out all of 'his' food. I actually gave a lot of it to the people across the street. Chuck is the same build as Gary so he got most of it. (Chuck'll eat it! He eats anything! Hey Chuck!) He gladly took the candy and treats and high calorie drinks that I bought for Gary in hopes of upping his caloric intake. I was left with only the 'good' stuff that I should eat.
Well the party's over and the pantry was finally empty after 2 months. I have twice ventured into our local grocer and ducked out with only milk and eggs. I bought veggies at Sprouts where I was pretty much OK.
But last night I went to Target to use my $5 off $50 coupon. My mission was to actually buy groceries. It was hard when I saw the electric carts by the front door which Gary has driven so many times. I couldn't go near the meat counter and I still don't need to buy meat anyway. Its very very weird to not buy what I have always bought for 'us'. When its just me, I don't want the same stuff. Ice cream? Nope. Juice? Nope. Microwave Popcorn? Nope. Pizza? Nope. It takes the fun out of it when you don't even have someone else to think about. My mind says, "Hey- Gary likes egg nog and its on sale- I'll get him some!" Nope.
I managed to get enough boring ME food to make the $50 for the coupon. Almond Milk yogurt, tuna, soup, and Weight Watcher dinners: I hear this is all the rage in widow cuisine.
I don't know how long it will take to not be sad when I go shopping without Gary or go shopping for his tastes. Its certainly lighter on the budget, which is great, but what fun is saving money if you have no one to tell, "Look at this! I found this in the markdown cart for a buck!"
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