The Wagon- as seen from below

So the other night I fell off the wagon, the one on which I eat clean and for my health.  Was it because I reached my goal weight that day?  Maybe, but I suspect stress changed my attitude and got in the way of my normal common sense.

What did I OD on?  Protein bars.  Full of flavor, fiber and delicious goodies like chocolate chips and sweetness, I ate 2.5 bars while sitting in front of the TV watching a free HBO movie that I was already recording.  The TV is my drug of choice when I want to enter the land of mindlessness.  If I had even gone over to the computer, I would have been confronted by tons of support that crowds my email inbox.  I subscribe to a slew of sites about healthy foods, great nutrition and most of all, positive living through mindfulness.  And perhaps especially because I knew that these helpful email messages were there waiting to be read, I chose to avoid them while I closed my mind and opened my mouth.

It is a big deal.  Not because I feel like a 'bad girl' for rebelling against the control I've lived with for so long, but to me it feels like the boogie man in the dark closet pulled me in and shut the door for an hour.  And that ugly dark closet is a place I HATE to go to after having escaped it last February. 

What was I feeling when I opened the wrappers of the 'candy bars' I ate that night?  I tried not to feel anything.  I was avoiding my feelings, trying to dull them at all costs. That's how I do it(or I should say, DID IT).

So I ate the bars. Maybe you're thinking, C'mon- they were somewhat healthy and what's the big deal? The one thing that saved me from eating the whole box is that the fiber content means my body would never be able to handle all that at one sitting.  Thank goodness!?

Before bed, I did drag myself over to the computer to read emails and sure enough, I had a PERSONAL letter from a great site called Fit Life Happy Life.  The website is run by a sharp young woman, Jill, who has such refreshing thoughts, recipes and insights.  She wrote me a letter in response to a letter I wrote her when she asked for information about me and my situation.


Here's an excerpt she wrote to me-

I have learned that an “all or nothing” mentality regarding food choices can actually hinder my progress and cause more anxiety for me. The more I learned to let go of the rules and “go off plan” the better I felt about my choices.  I understand your fear of eating things that your body is not used to and feeling crummy and that’s ok but saying, “I will never eat ____” or “I only eat _____”, can create a lot of stress!  I used to say these things too!!  It’s definitely a process that takes some practice over time but you can get there!!  If I eat something and I feel like crap, oh well, I accept it and move on AND I do not feel any guilt over my choices.  I also know that it will not set me back on all the gains I have made.

If there is one thing that people hear from me these days, is a lot of "I will never eat this or that ever again." I can't really say that now, can I.  There shouldn't be any all or nothings in our lives.  It doesn't work that way.  Experience that feeling of eating what you ate and move on.

I also read on another super smart fitness/nutritionist expert who is still a 'real' person, Jill Coleman.
Here's what Jill Coleman had to say in a recent blogpost:

Today's reminder: "There's always more where that came from."

For me, this is such a powerful insight, whether applied to food or success or money or relationships or positive feelings or motivation. It's a reminder to maintain an abundance mindset.

When I do, I'm able to relax into my life. I don't feel stressed every second that things are happening that I can't control or that opportunities are slipping through my fingers, or that I won't ever have another chance to do ________. I can give up feelings of urgency or exclusivity.

This practice helps me trust that I can always move in a new direction or adjust if I need to in order to create the life/outcomes/abundance that I want.

It helps me trust the process 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For me, this stuff goes way beyond dieting and eating, its about how we handle what happens every day in our lives- the things that stress us, that 'get to us' and the people who push our buttons.  Its one little choice we have- and that is, how we react to these things that get thrown in our faces.

My take away from my helpful sources and how I'm learning to apply them is, when you stumble in your eating plan, get up the next morning and make yourself a great breakfast.  Life goes on and you may as well be in the flow of that life.  Another lesson learned.